English native speakers can't speak English!

🎧 ENGLISH MAKES NO SENSE! Listening & Grammar

Two co-workers talk at their desks about strange points of English. Watch, enjoy the humour, and learn the rules behind the jokes.

🧠 Part 1 — Before listening

• What is the most confusing thing about English for you?
• Do native speakers always know the rules? Why / why not?
• Give one example that “just sounds right”.

🎥 Part 2 — While listening watch → pause → note

Complete the table as you watch each short conversation.

Conv.	Grammar topic	What you heard	Rule (open to check)
1	Adjective order	“Big red car / red big car”	Rule Order: opinion → size → age → shape → colour → origin → material → purpose + noun. big red car ✅
2	Articles a / an	“an university” (wrong)	Rule Use an before a vowel sound. a university (/juː/), an hour (/aʊ/).
3	Countable vs uncountable	“many furniture / many pieces of chair”	Rule Furniture = uncountable → much / a lot of furniture or many pieces of furniture. Chair is countable → many chairs.
4	“Literally” (emphasis)	“Literally doesn’t mean literally”	Rule Literally should mean “in a literal way”, but is often used informally for emphasis. Prefer really / absolutely in careful English.
5	Ironic / ironically	“Nobody knows what ironic means”	Rule Ironic = the result is the opposite of what you expect. Ironically = adverb.
6	Passive voice	“Ireland will win…” / “…will be won by Ireland.”	Rule Both correct. Use active to focus on the doer; use passive to focus on the action/result.
7	Irregular verbs	“I have swum / swam”	Rule Swim–swam–swum. Past tense = swam. Past participle (with have) = swum.
8	Prepositions	“write me / write to me / contact to me”	Rule write to me ✅; contact me (no to).

📝 Part 3 — Comprehension

• Where are the speakers and what is their relationship?
• Why does Jurgen get frustrated during the conversations?
• How does the native speaker usually justify his answers?
• What is funny about the line “literally doesn’t mean literally”?
• Which conversation did you enjoy most? Why?

🧩 Part 4 — Grammar reflection

Match the rule with an example. Write a–e next to 1–5.

Rules
a) a/an depends on sound · b) uncountable nouns · c) adjective order · d) prepositions after verbs · e) active vs passive focus

1. “An hour / a university”
2. “A nice big red car”
3. “Much furniture / many pieces of furniture”
4. “Contact me / write to me”
5. “Ireland will win…” vs “…will be won by Ireland.”

✍️ Part 5 — Practice

A) Complete.

1. I’ve got ________ furniture in my new flat. (much / many / a lot of)
2. That’s ________ expensive! I can’t afford it. (an idiom from class)
3. She ________ me about the meeting. (write / write to / contact)
4. We watched a ________ French film last night. (order the adjectives: old / fantastic)
5. I have ________ in the Mediterranean this year. (swim in Present Perfect)

B) Rewrite with the correct adjective order.

1. a red big car → ________________________________
2. a round wooden small table → _____________________
3. an Italian beautiful old town → _____________________

✅ Answer Key

Part 3 (sample ideas): office colleagues; Jurgen feels rules aren’t clear; the native says “because it sounds right”; joke = misuse of “literally”; open answers.

Part 4: 1–a, 2–c, 3–b, 4–d, 5–e.

Part 5A: 1. a lot of / much (in negatives) • 2. cost an arm and a leg (or other valid) • 3. wrote to / contacted • 4. a fantastic old French film • 5. have swum.

Part 5B: 1. a big red car • 2. a small round wooden table • 3. a beautiful old Italian town.

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📘 Mini Dictionary

• adjective order – the usual order of adjectives before a noun
• uncountable noun – no plural form (furniture, information, advice)
• passive voice – focus on the action or result, not the doer
• literally – in a literal way; often used informally just for emphasis